just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
