My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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