i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
