I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
