I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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