Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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