I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
