I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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