Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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