I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
