I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
