If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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