Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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