ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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