Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
