Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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