i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
