i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I AM VODKA MAN
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
