My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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