Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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