he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This is my gift to your gina
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
