I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
