if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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