I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
