Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
