He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
