Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
