I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
