He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
