I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
