i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
