Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
