i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
