brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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