Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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