The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
