Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
