You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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