I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
