i jhust puked up my retainher.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
