why didn't you poke me back
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
