Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
