My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
