im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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