So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
