My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
