I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My pussy is not your playground.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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