nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
