SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
