Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
