I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
