Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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