just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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