I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
