Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
