I think I am morally bankrupt
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
