It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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