its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
