Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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