Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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