Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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