one might say we're banned from that church
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
