hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
